2 messages received

i appreciate having my former cadets as textmates and friends. i had a great time with them, despite the battle against the draining sum beam and bone-breaking exercises. here's a message i got from one of my company elements, who was also one of my closest friends during the ROTC days. i know it's just forwarded, but i loved the thought:


a philo prof. gave one question for the final exam.

the class was seated when the prof. touched his chair and asked, "use everything we've learned this sem. prove that this chair does NOT EXIST."

the whole class answered for an hour, but the laziest student finished the test in less than a minute.

one week later, the grades were posted in the class, and the lazy student got the highest score.

his answer consisted of just two words:

"what chair?"


i opt not to include the concluding sentence, for it will extinguish the beauty of the message.
and here's another one from another one. (got it? well, get it!)


if wealth is the secret to happiness, then the rich should be dancing on the street;
but only poor kids do that...

if power ensures peace of mind, then officials should walk unguarded;
but those who live simply, sleep soundly...

if beauty and fame bring ideal relationships, then celebrities should have the best marriages;
but those who trust God completely have the most fulfilling relationships...


i'm really not into religious quotes, but then again, i love the thought, and the irony of life.
so there!

clumsy

it seems that when you get excited for a certain thing, heavens fall apart to give you that hard blow.

i woke up early this morning, with eagerness in my heart, to pick up my I.D. from the office of the daily broadsheet where i am spending my 200-hour OJT. i am not into flaunting my press I.D. in congress or anywhere else, say, when walking along the streets of batasan or outside the area. my intention is clear: i want to avoid obstructions. why? it is of popular knowledge that the house of representatives is an ultimately-secured institution (i just wonder how the security team overlooked the tricksters, who were responsible for the death of Basilan Rep. Wahab Akbar in the batasan bombing just last year) that's why visitors have to log-in and out. without an I.D., i am still a visitor. for two weeks since i started reporting, i languished under the sun in a long line with our folks, who were asking for assistance from the congressmen, for whatever purpose they desired, until i was given a media pass for the month of april. i know everything else after the issued date falls into my responsibility of getting my press I.D.

...and so i got it. i also asked for jaycee's, since he was tasked to cover something in U.P., at 10 a.m.

i had a wondeful day in the press office, that i thought everything would turn out fine. jaycee and i met at mcdo q.av at around 5:30 p.m. we stayed for about an hour, taking about our OJT experiences, and spying at the cake-boy from McCafé.

true. everything's fine today, but.... no. i JUST THOUGHT everything's fine today.

i got my I.D. laminated before i went home. i was in high spirits! my day was wonderful... WAS WONDERFUL.

i forgot to put my signature and the "in-case-of-emergency" contact number in it. chickenfeed! i knew i could do something about it. so i started to peel off the edges with a cutter... slowly... carefully, until i had half of the I.D. rewritable, then scribbled my signature. i didn't care about the "in-case-of-emergency" thing. i could just stick on a piece of paper in it. then there came the ever almighty heated iron, steered by my very own hands on top of a paper, as i pressed the plastic smooth. presto! i had my I.D. back in its decent impression. but i grew mad and kept on rubbing the iron against the paper, with the hope of making it harder than it was, until small bubbles appeared on the surface of my photo, and what the heck was i doing?! my picture looked like i was a hard-scaled reptile or a cast of zuma and galema! hell! i even had blisters on my fingers!

now there's no escape from the batasan security team. i still have to play patintero with the soldiers to get inside the north wing! i'm so clumsy! i'm so clumsy (but not in love)! haha!

para sa malusong na pilipino

nakakatuwa naman talaga sa pilipinas. tama ba namang mutaktakin ni gloria ang mrt stations ng posters about health na may malaking mukha niya sa tagiliran? at ang pinaka-malupit pa ay, "kumain araw-araw ng mga pagkaing niluto sa mantika o edible oil"

ate, salamat sa cholesterol!


well, ito talaga yung Sampung panuntunan sa wastong nutrisyon, proposed by the Department of Science and Technology (DOST) last july:

Upang matugunan ang malaking kakulangan sa enerhiya ng dyetang Pilipino, bumuo ang National Nutrition Council, sa pakikipagtulungan sa 10 pampublikong opisina at tatlong mula sa pribadong sektor, ng panuntunan sa wastong nutrisyon. Kailangan lang na ating “… Alamin, Gawin at Palaganapin.” Eto ay ang mga sumusunod:

1. Kumain ng iba’t-ibang pagkain araw-araw. (kahit ano, basta pagkain. kahit nasa basurahan na, pagkain pa rin 'yon. basta iba-iba. 'pag hindi iba, wag na lang kumain.)

2. Pasusuhin ang mga sanggol mula pagkapanganak hanggang anim na buwan at saka pakainin ng naaayon habang pinasususo. (huwag tatanggalin sa suso ng ina ang nguso ng bata, baka ikamatay niya iyon. mula pagkapanganak daw eh. kung kaya na niyang ngumuya ng kanin, isabay pa rin sa pagsuso. wag makulit. sabi "habang pinapasuso" daw.)

3. Panatiliin ang normal na paglaki ng bata sa pamamamagitan ng tamang pagkain at pagtatala ng kanilang paglaki. (kung hindi lumalaki ang bata, wag nang itala.)

4. Kumain ng isda, karne, manok o butong gulay. (huwag pakakainin ng iba)

5. Kumain ng maraming gulay, prutas at halamang ugat. (marami, hanggang lumobo ang tiyan.)

6. Kumain ng pagkaing niluto sa langis. (kahit langis sa sasakyan, ok lang, basta langis.)

7. Uminom ng gatas at kumain ng tulad na produkto, at mga pagkaing mayaman sa kalsyum. (sori na lang sa mga lactose-intolerant)

8. Gumamit ng asing sinangkapan ng iodine subali’t iwasan ang sobrang maaalat na pagkain. (ano ba talaga?!)

9. Kumain ng malinis at ligtas na pagkain. (may pagkaing hindi ligtas. ingat ka, baka madisgrasya ka.)

10. Para sa isang malusog na pangangatawan at wastong nutrisyon, mag-ehersisyo, huwag manigarilyo, at uminom ng alak. (kuya, mali ang placement ng comma. o sige, inuman na lang!)


source: DOST

bali-balita

i'm definitely not for straight, verrry verrry hard news, and it's not for me either, but as of the moment, i have to live with it and work my ass off.

i just think heaven and hell conspired in throwing me into a beat which is really far from my inclination. mind you, i am assigned in the congress, the very politically-charged congress, which i thought would spell early suicide. in our first meeting, i told my trainer, mr. delon porcalla, that i have to run a long mile in order for me to get used with writing hard news, but now i think i'm getting the hang of it, even if it takes me eons to finish my articles everyday.

the congress finally resumed last monday, so there are no more dead minutes of waiting for press releases inside the halls of the media center. i was able to attend two press conferences that afternoon - things that are very new to me because that was my first time i mingled with other journalists from different media companies- print, radio, and television alike.

i was a bit nervous the moment i set foot at the conference hall because of politicians who looked like steroid-addicts with their faces all blown-up, they should have hired a good make-up artist to fix the problems with their faces! well, i didn't know why i felt so intimidated. most of them are leftists, so there should be no awkward feeling.

again, i saw anthony taverna, who's making his usual live over-the-phone radio announcement inside the press office. it was a bit funny. his accent and the way he speaks really fit radio broadcasts. well, i see him everyday, therefore we have the same beat. the very pretty pia arcangel was also there and just yesterday was niko baua.

the first press con i attended was that of reps. liza maza, satur ocampo, teddy casino, and rafael mariano, on the arroyo administration's desperate attempt to file trumped-up murder charges against them. the speakers went straight to the point. they said it was very timely, since they were pushing for important house bills, which would give no good for the fake president. arroyo was obviously trying to silence her critics.

the second was with house speaker nograles, abraham mitra, and the chairman of agriculture committee. yey! i met noggie! last sem i was just writing an article about his drama of conflicts with duterte, and now i was able to see him face-to-face! although i'm not so into political issues, i enjoyed it a lot.

i was very happy and excited at the same time that i managed to finish my articles quickly. now i can find reasons to stay in my assigned beat because just last week, i was planning to request for transfer, since Batasan is really far and i'm having a hard time traveling from home-OJT-and work. i just realized that being in this beat is also a blessing-in-disguise because so many things dramatically slash philippine history right inside the halls of congress-- busy beat. i couldn't ask for more!

tula-la

sana ay may maisulat akong tula
nang sa pagtitig ko nang buong araw
at paglagutok sa tiklada, masabi man lamang
na may mabuti akong matatanaw

ni hindi ko inaasahang maging kasing ganda
ng mga nababasang anak ng palad
ng mga mahuhusay na makata
at panulat ng manunulang huwad

tatlong lipon ng mapagpalayang wika
sapat na upang makadama ng ligaya;
dalawang minutong pagkindat
mula sa isang masugid na mambabasa

Consecration/Purification in Spells

Consecration is defined by the dictionary as to “dedicate formally to a religious or divine purpose.” Consecration must be practiced before any tool can be used in the practice of witchcraft. Consecration is a form of purification, and is done with salt, water and incense, which all stand for the five elements of nature – water, earth, fire, air and spirit. It is important that consecration to be used for witchcraft be done in a positive state of mind, as this incorporates the “spirit” part of the elements. Consecration is used in witchcraft to gain the approval of the God and Goddess for what they are about to practice.

Spell for Cleansing the body of Negative Energy
The following tools will be needed:
1 White Candle – this is representative of positive energy
1 Black Candle – this is representative of negative energy
1 Green Candle – this is representative of healing

Clear your mind and light the white candle. Say the following incantation:
“Mother Earth, Fire, Wind, Water and Spirit,
I ask thee to cleanse my body of all negative energies”

Light the black candle and say the same thing. After this light the green candle and say the following incantation:
“Mother Earth, Fire, Wind, Water and Spirit,
I ask thee to free and heal my body from all negative forces.
Blessed be!”
Sit back, and keep your mind clear for fifteen minutes. After this you should feel renewed and fresh.

source: Witchcraft - World of Wicca

Man of the Year

Tom Dobbs: [quoting Benjamin Franklin] "Politicians are a lot like diapers. They should be changed frequently, and for the same reason."

(Watch "Man of the Year" Movie)

**********
Tom Dobbs: People say Intelligent Design, we must teach Intelligent Design. Look at the human body, is that intelligent? You have a waste processing plant next to a recreation area.

**********

Hemmings: Will you be disappointed to be going back to television after this ride? Eddie Langston: Oh, no. I have a glorious love-hate relationship with TV.
Hemmings: How so?
Eddie Langston:TV scares me. It makes everything seem credible.
Hemmings: Why is that so bad?
Eddie Langston: If everything seems credible then nothing seems credible. You know, TV puts everybody in those boxes, side-by-side. On one side, there's this certifiable lunatic who says the Holocaust never happened. And next to him is this noted, honored historian who knows all about the Holocaust. And now, there they sit, side-by-side, they look like equals! Everything they say seems to be credible. And so, as it goes on, nothing seems credible anymore! We just stopped listening!

lugaw shortage

however Gloria Arroyo says that the country would not suffer rice shortage, still, the expected increase in its prices is enough for us to feel the crisis.

i woke up early this morning and found myself in dire need of congee (lugaw), an addiction i rediscovered these past few days. to alleviate my stomach's pain, i reeled off to the nearest Chowking food chain. it has been my habit to walk briskly to the market, especially when i need to cash-out on ATMs. i'd rather spend my precious coins for three sticks of... you know... than ride a jeepney. it's a good exercise, too. (yes, life works in irony. :p) so i did the same thing this time and it was after a 30-minute walk that, with my legs trembling, i finally reached the counter, waited for the person who came before me to finish, and gave nothing but a bitter nod when the lady told me, "Sorry, ma'am. Hindi po available ang congee ngayon." wow! what a grace!

it isn't even the 28th of the month. why am i in disgrace?! (for those who do not know, 28 is an unfortunate day for me)

i never stopped slipping through the holes of Kalentong market, asking if any eatery served a warm bowl of congee but as expected, NADA!

while walking back home, i was thinking of anything to ease my anger and to feel less unfortunate. why is there a shortage of "lugaw"? probabaly because the owners of Pinoy food corners, and also Chowking, would not gamble their capital for a casserole of this rice porridge when hot food are not in demand. remember, it's summer! they would rather have them for their tapsi and tocilog. again, how much does a kilo of rice cost?

anyway, i did not come home crying. the good heavens still has a room for my wishes. i found one... just a block away from us. ok, what a great walk!

tristan and isolde

The Good-Morrow

John Donne (1572-1631)

I wonder by my troth, what thou and I
Did, till we lov'd? Were we not wean'd till then
But suck'd on country pleasures, childishly
Or snorted we in the seven sleeper's den
'Twas so; but this, all pleasures fancies be
If ever any beauty I did see
Which I desir'd, and got, 'twas but a dream of thee

And now good morrow to our waking souls,
Which watch not one another out of fear
For love, all love of other sights controls
And makes one little room, an everywhere
Let sea-discoverers to new worlds have gone
Let maps to other, worlds on worlds have shown
Let us possess one world, each hath one, and is one

My face in thine eye, thine in mine appears, And true plain hearts do in the faces rest; Where can we find two better hemispheres, Without sharp north, without declining west? Whatever dies, was not mix'd equally; If our two loves be one, or, thou and I Love so alike, that none do slacken, none can die.

************

Isolde: If things were different, if we lived in a place without duty, would you be with me?
Tristan: That place does not exist.
Isolde: [sobs] I'll pretend it's you.

************

Isolde: Why?
Tristan: There are other things to live for: duty, honor.
Isolde: But they are not life Tristan. They are the shells of life, and empty ones if in the end all they hold are days and days without love. Love is made by God. Ignore it and you suffer as you cannot imagine.
Tristan: Then I will no longer live without it.

************

Tristan: Isolde, we can't.
Isolde: It's like asking me to stop breathing.

************

Tristan: I don't know if life is greater than death, but love was greater than either.

Perth on Dead Poets Society

found this on Dead Poets Society's page on watch-moves.net:

Perth: "Back when you are young, you never really stopped to think what in the world you were doing with your life. You simply lived for the day, hoped your grades would be enough to pass, and that's it. Long term thinking involved maybe flirting with someone you fancy, nothing more.

What this film showed me was that we have the responsibility and the joy of being alive in this planet. That we only have precious little time to make a difference. That we have a moral obligation to "seize the day, and make our lives extraordinary". That the world, basically is ours. That the only limitations are within ourselves, and that we owe it to us to fight, to rebel against conformity, to change what we hate and keep what we love. That living in this world is a beautiful responsibility, and that only cowards dare not to change it for the better."

when the call gets pranked

after two long weeks of paid leave (woohoo, it's paid! - one of the major benefits of being a loyal employee), i finally went to work last night. i had this call with "mr.gatekeeper" which really turned me gaga, i almost tumbled down from my seat. hell, it was a hard "RFLMAO" (rolling on the floor, laughing my ass off) joyride!


mr.gatekeeper: ELO.

me: Yeah. Hi. I'm try'n'a reach "mr.label person"

mr.gatekeeper: SHE IN the RESTING room. YOU CALL later, ok?



yes, i know. holy guacamole! that's a lang bang! you know, language barrier: spanish no-pik-eeenglish peolple (most prominent) - they are the HINOJOSAs, the CECERESes, and the CABALLEROs; vietnamese: the NGUYENs - call them NGUYEN and they'll scold you like hell. guys, it's ngyen.; the TRANs, SINGHs, NGs, and PATELs.

most of them usually do not speak nor understand english. or if they do, then it's a "sorrri, pik-little eeenglish" case.

we call them lang bang. well, i do not have any personal grudge towards these people. it's just that in a call center, whenever you have mentioned the name of your company, client, or the product itself (or even your own name!) then you should end that freakin' call with a tiring TCPA (telephone consumer protection act) close, "thank you for your time. if you have any questions about this call, please dial 1-800-blah blah blah blah.... have a nice day!"

at the beginning of the call, these people would just say, "uhuh. me. me." so there's no reason for us to drop the call. we would get into the middle of the spiel until they give up, "ohh sorrri... no-pik-eeenglish." darn it!


ok, so what's with language?
1. we call restroom a restroom and not a resting room
2. neither can we call comfort room a comforting room
3. we call powder room a powder room and not a powdering room
4. why is no-smoking area not no-smoke area? can an area smoke?
5. why is sleeping quarters called as such? are there really sleeping quarters?
6. is there an english-speaking school?

well, the answers are falling flat on our faces. it's just than when you're into the call center industry, you'll get used to hearing hard-hitting errors. i swear! it's mortifyin'!

you'll get calls with label persons as mr.langis, mr.biological nutrition, mr.tule, mr.dude... now who would not laugh, especially when people around you are just as crazy as the label persons' names? it's a phone call away from that house in mandaluyong.

flash fiction: "balisong"

Takot na takot siya sa balitang nasagap niya nung gabing iyon. Gusto na sana niyang maniwala na ang Pilipinas ay isang bansang isinumpa sa dami ng mga halang ang kaluluwang umaaligid-aligid at ang pinagtitripan ay ang mga kapwa nila mahihirap.

Ang sabi sa balita, may serial killer daw na gumagala malapit lang sa bahay nila at kinukuha ang laman loob ng mga kabataang napapatay nito. Pakana daw ito ng ilang mga mayayaman na walang mapagkunan ng organs para sa mga kapamilya nilang kailangang magpa-transplant. Marami rin namang nagsasabing gawa-gawa lang daw ang issue para sumunod ang mga tao sa curfew. Napakalawak ng deskripsyon sa killer. Basta ang palatandaan lang daw ay lagi itong naka-puruntong, may dalang camouflage na buddy bag, at nag-aabang-abang sa mga kanto kapag kaunti na lang ang mga tao sa gabi. Naku, hilig pa naman niyang umuwi ng madaling araw galing sa inuman. Napapadalas ito nang napapadalas simula nang matanggal siya sa trabaho. Hindi man sila umiinom, tumitira naman sila ng bato. Naisip niya, mas madali siyang mabibiktima ng serial killer dahil laging siyang lupaypay kapag umuuwi at siguradong walang laban.

Nasabi na lang niya sa sarili, “Ah, mabuti na lang at mayroon akong balisong dito. Kahit atakihin niya ako ngayong gabi, siguradong hindi ako mapupuruhan. Kahit papaano’y may panlaban ako.”

Alam niyang malakas siya kapag nakaka-tira ng bato, pero hindi rin siya sigurado dahil bago sila gumamit, nagpapakalango muna siya sa alak hanggang sa halos hindi na magising.

“Bahala na,” nasabi na lang niya sa sarili matapos maligo. Ayaw niyang maka-miss ng kahit isang session. Panlibang niya ito sa sarili at panlaban sa sunud-sunod na kamalasan sa buhay.

Dali-dali siyang nagbihis at kumuha ng tatlong alak sa aparador pang-ambag sa session nila. Ngayon lang siya makakapag-ambag dahil ngayon lang siya nagka-pera. Gin-bulag pare. Hassle bitbitin. Dali-dali niyang isinilid ang mga ito sa kung anong nadampot na bag at isinama na rin ang balisong na inaasahan niyang makakapagligtas ng buhay niya sakaling maispatan siya ng killer, sabay sibat.

Mabilis natapos ang session nila. Nakasulit siya ng alak at bato. Oras na para umiwi. Wala na siyang takot. Nilakad niya ang daan patungo sa madilim na kanto, malapit lang sa kanyang bahay at nakakita ng anino isang ng animo’y demonyo sa di kalayuan. Agad siyang naglabas ng balisong at...

“Huli ka!” sabay sunggab sa demonyo.

Pinagsasaksak niya ito at hiniwa ang tiyan, hinalukay ang buong kalamnan, ibinato sa kung saan. Kinuha niya ang atay nito, isinilid sa plastik at ipinasok sa camouflage na bag. Wasak na wasak ang pobreng estudyante at iniwang nakahandusay sa isang gilid, habang siya ay mabilis na tumatakbo papunta sa isang malaking bahay. May katagpo. May bibili.

reflections

lethargy got the better of me. i'd rather post it this way. i don't think there would be a better way of expression than real conversations... (what an excuse! ) this one was with my cousin, tj-- one of the few people i'd spend my entire strength with talking about the greatness of life...


tina: we are left w/ no choice but join the cult of education and labor when in fact, the best things in life are for free

tj: yeah but lyk that they say, "u aim high, u pay high." "u want a gud job, gud life, beter hav a gud education."

tina: kaya i don't like math eh

tj: me 22222222222222

tina: it makes life complicated: math=technology

tj: i knoe

tina: pero san ba mas masaya ang tao? diba sa arts pa rin? ano yung nakakapag-nurture ng soul? don't tell me it's numbers! hindi naman sa against ako sa changes, pero kasi ngaun hindi na praktikal eh. sobra na yung innovation na sa sobrang bilis e ang daming naiiwan. the world becomes exclusive para sa mga may pera. so tau, nagiging followers na rin ni kuya "money"

tj: i'll give u a quote. one of my favorites. dont forget this

"We don't read and write poetry because it's cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for. To quote from Whitman, "O me! O life!... of the questions of these recurring; of the endless trains of the faithless... of cities filled with the foolish; what good amid these, O me, O life?" Answer. That you are here - that life exists, and identity; that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. That the powerful play *goes on* and you may contribute a verse. What will your verse be? "

tj: that's robin williams as john keating in the movie Dead Poets Society

tina: wow........ ganda!

tj: yup. one of d most beautiful quotes ive heard

ako: ganda... wat wil your verse be?- panalo


so there. life is a continuous statement. at the end of the day, how you spent your life within the entire day is what counts. it feels good to go on and tell the world what your own statement is. the world is ours. you are a part of it. make it a part of you... :)

Is it their search for truth or the other way around?

Over the years, the government and media are slowly losing their reputation and credibility. The politics of survival has long been affecting the very nature of profession that interests were trimmed down to that of the personal and profitable; and now that the country is facing serious issues of corruption and left-and-right double deals, it is a bit ironic that the institutions known for candy-coating salient issues are now at the forefront of the country’s search for truth.

In Richard Linklater’s animated movie, Waking Life, offered was a keen observation on how powerful the media has become—that it has changed the way people looked at things: “Sure, the media tries to put a sad face on these things, painting them up as great human tragedies. But we all know the function of the media has never been to eliminate the evils of the world. No. Their job is to persuade us to accept those evils and get used to living with them.”

Who’s to blame? If media allowed their honest opinions to appear in the newspapers, before twenty-four hours, their occupation would be gone. The government, on the other side, is playing hero in the country’s search for elusive truth. But who really conceals it?

We are always in search of truth when the answers are already falling off our faces. The truth is in us. In fact, it was probably in search of us for God-knows-how-long. A Jun Lozada is not enough nor credible enough to claim it. Just look at the way he defends his sudden declaration of his “truth” and probably you’ll doubt. What does he want? He is now swimming in the pool of fame. I still could not believe the stardom he got from the Ateneo people when he visited there for his “in-search-of-truth campaign.”

People grew tired of believing. The quest for truth is always open-ended and most of the time left unanswered. The responsibility should not only be claimed by the government and the media. They alone are not enough to call for truth. They, too, have their own delineations. If at this time, people cannot absolutely entrust their affairs with the two powerful clusters, then the change must start within themselves. In either way, people just have to learn how to let the truth speak for itself.

rebound

at ano naman ang akala nyo sa amin? hingahan ng sama ng loob? kwentuhan ng lablayp?

hindi kami diary na binibisita gabi-gabi para lang mag-digest ng kung anu-anong nangyari sa inyo sa araw-araw na lang na ginawa ng Diyos. napupuyat at nagsasawa rin kami sa mga kwento nyo! wala kaming balak gumawa ng thesis ng buhay nyo.

we're not always fond of your stories, your so-called philisophies, angst, dreams and whatever else you can think of. yes, we can be so tolerant to share the same laughter but it doesn't mean that we're so damn into your routines.

we also have our own nights. we have our own stories. if you could just try to listen, maybe our puzzles are much more difficult than yours. we are also capable of making silly stuffs, or just fool around to cut the cold moonless nights. we are women; we are human. we can feel... and probably it's deeper than you do...

so if you think you're earning another mean-time girl, better think again. we may lose ourselves to someone for some time, but a heart runs fast as a bullet. it kills, then it's emptied...

on my own

 

And now Im all alone again
no where to turn no one to go to
Without a home without a friend without a face to say hello to
And now the night is near
now I can make believe hes here

Sometimes I walk alone at night when everybody
else is sleeping
I think of him and then I'm happy with
the company I'm keeping
The city goes to bed
And I can live inside my head

On my own,
Pretending he's beside me,
All alone, I walk with him till morning.
Without him, I feel his arms around me,
And when I lose my way, I close my eyes,
And he has found me...

In the rain,
The pavement shines like silver,
All the lights are misty in the river,
In the darkness the trees are full of starlight,
And all I see is him and me,
Forever and forever...

And I know it's only in my mind,
That I'm talking to myself and not to him,
And although I know that he is blind,
Still I say, there's a way for us...

I love him,
But when the night is over,
He is gone, the river's just a river
Without him the world around me changes,
The trees are bare and everywhere the streets are full of strangers.

I love him,
But everyday I'm learning,
All my life,
I've only been pretending,
Without me,
His world will go on turning,
A world that's full of happiness,
That I have never known...

I love him... I love him...
I love him... But only on my own...

just a thought

"if horses could draw, they would draw their gods like horses." - xenophanes of colophon

CRUELtural differences

- found this in my mail
- sent by my cousin, adey
- even pictures alone tell a story - something we don't see... or maybe something we just care not to see...
- try not to be too pious.

i need to repost this: type my mood in lowercase

BUT I REALLY CAN'T!!! I'M NOT LIKING WHAT I'M FORCED TO DO! (IMAGINE ME DOING AN SMS - ALL CAPS FROM AN IRATE TEXTER!) EVERY NIGHT FEELS LIKE I'M BEING DRAGGED OUT OF BED, AND SHOWERS MAKE ME WONDER IF I'M REALLY SCRUBBING MY BODY WITH HARD,POINTED STONES THE EARTH COULD EVER IMAGINE BEARING! IF ONLY CAP ONE WERE NOT MOVED TO MARIKINA, AND NOW, HSBC'S TURN, THEN NO NEED FOR ME TO ASK FOR TRANSFER, EXCEPT FOR SOME UNEXPECTED SHIT OF COURSE, THE QA, TO NAME ONE...

lahat na yata ng santo natawag ko na. lahat na rin ata ng mura naisigaw ko na. kung may ilang beses na rin akong nagplanong magpasagasa sa loan mower, hindi ko na alam. nabibwisit ako! namumuhi ako sa ginagawa ko ngayon, pero hindi ko kayang talikuran. maraming bagay na tumutulak sa akin para umalis at siya ring humihila pabalik. tuwing papasok ako sa gabi, hindi ko mapigilang mag-senti mode dahil nakakaburyo talaga. hindi ko maialiwanag. para kong unti-unting nauupos. yung feeling na hopeless, yun yung kinaaasaran ko. wala akong magawa. wala akong magawa. pwde bang magmura dito? haaaaaaay! PI!

be infectious. smile. :)

-i don't do new year's resolutions. they don't resolve anyway, but i'd go on trying to make something a habit from now on: SMILING.

-smile! happy new year everyone!

-this is one of my cousin's silly messages that really made me smile today:

WHY MEN WEAR CLOTHES

 

-i believe this is my first time to put tags. haha!

The Top Baby Names of 2007

By the BabyCenter editorial staff

What happened in baby names in 2007? The results are in: Emma has finally been knocked off its number one perch for the first time since it landed there in 2004! Sophia has been making steady progress since 2002, cracked the top 10 in 2005, and jumped six slots to be the new number one baby name for 2007.

Addison jumped a whopping 20 spots this year to land in the top 10 — no doubt thanks to flame-haired actress Kate Walsh's portrayal of Dr. Addison Montgomery-Shepherd on the hot TV series "Grey's Anatomy" and its spin-off, "Private Practice."
In boys' baby names, Aiden still rules, as it has since 2005. But Jayden, Caden, and Jackson have jumped quickly into the top 10 this year and are the new rising stars.

And here they are, in order: The BabyCenter® Top Baby Names of 2007

Top 10 Girl Names:
Sophia
Isabella
Emma
Madison
Ava
Addison
Hailey
Emily
Kaitlyn
Olivia

Top 10 Boy Names:
Aiden
Ethan
Jacob
Jayden
Caleb
Noah
Jackson
Jack
Logan
Matthew

(Oh, i knew it!)

thanks to: MSN LIFESTYLE

on living and leaving (part2)

kurt kobain. freddie mercury. marilyn monroe. princess diana. yes, they were all famous... and dead for years now. what ties them all is that they all died at the height of their careers, when they were the masters of the center stage, when they owned the lime light, when everybody loved them, and when they had all what it takes to feel human.

i want to die on a christmas season. i may sound too selfish and pathetic but i can not think of any other moment better that this. i know nature has taught man that one could not really choose his death day, unless he commits suicide, of course. so spare me from stones as i let myself state my own ideal dying season.

it is mostly during the cold december that people feel loved and special. gifts flushing into your house, greetings clogging in airwaves, and friends, those you've known ever since you said your first hello to the earth, coming into sight, and making you feel important, remembered, cherished - is there anything more you can ask for? you feel great, you feel loved, you feel more than what the great dead people felt. what happens after life, you know no more, but what matters is that you keep those memories with you and preserve them like a jar of fragrant kisses which, while the grownups fooled us, multiply into thousand sweet little memories.

i can't think of spending another year with those love messages diminishing like decaying trees and being thrown into a state where they were totally lost and out of my grasp. i love the philosophy of freud but i reserve my regards to jung as his philosophy conforms with my claim. the swiss psychologist once uttered, "ultimately, the self is fully realised in death..." and i can't help but agree.

death it is the last enemy i have to conquer, and a friend when it defeats me.

they died long before their names get dragged by nonsensical controversies and before they themselves ruin them with frantic acts. it took them years to build their reputation and death stopped the people from staining them. now who will say they ever died?

on living and leaving (part1)

i saved this in my drafts folder sometime in november, but i don't know how to end it now. my drive has grown short for this one:


hot talks about life has been very stimulating on brains and spirits alike. lucky am i to be surrounded by extraordinary intellectuals whose brains give me more than my daily need for cerebral supplement. i'm not talking about persons alone. books are also geniuses - they are far more than what the mouth can speak.

what visits me often these days are my endless questions about life - how we live (and do we really live?) at the moment and why people are dying for the future. talking about things like this has been a trend when taking our meals after classes or even in drinking sessions... or even when doing the self-talk.

questions come as to why humans are so obsessed with planning carefully for the future that they almost forget how to live the "now". nobody wakes up one morning and tells that that day is the future of his yesterday. then why do we still bother? we never really get to hold our future. it is intangible. abstract. illusion.

everybody who has been to school could remember that some years ago, our teachers asked us how we would be ten years from that time. imagine that this is your tenth year after making that seatwork. what happened? you are still looking forward to another ten years. we can't help but think of tomorrow. we study to have a "bright future" (excuse to the BOOBtifuls), to have a good job; then we work, again, for the future. we are missing half of all the good things life offers. we forget to greet the beautiful sunhine as we hurry down the bathroom. we ignore the relaxing sound and smell of the morning because we are too vexed of the ticking clock as it whirls its way into our eardrums and bangs our brain. we prevent ourselves from getting those things we really want because we need to save for tomorrow; then we do resent when everything is gone.

there are some small things we care not to sumbit ourselves into - the passion of living for the "now".


style ni sir emer:
--------------------------nothing follows-------------------

(pagaya, sir...) akin:
-------------------------something will follow-------------------

for joseinne

leaves fall like manna from heaven, but your silence slammed the tips of my nerves... the depth of your eyes told me your story... something you yourself cannot tell... the only thing you cannot write...


how when talks least essential
my mouth drieth of toil
when actions least intended
my limbs jerked in distress

ye who encompass the extremes of both worlds
too vague for them to understand;
who struggles with a naked arm,
how, then, can a breath weave ages?

for the fruits of earth all drieth for bliss
an unborn child cries over his first and last torment
for the world to hear the whispers of thy wind
silence is all i can give

on that lower "kingdom"

thanks to joseinne. at least, now i have an idea where i'm heading to. haha!


The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Seventh Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	Moderate
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Moderate
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Low
Level 7 (Violent)	Very High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Moderate

Take the Dante's Inferno Test


anyway, think this isn't that accurate.

yes i personally don't believe/sumbit myself into confession. however our theology classes taught us its why's and how's, still it didn't work (don't throw stones at me please). ok, it said very low.

i can only think of one personal question about food. something like if i was eating at restaurants several times a week... well, no not at restaurants but fastfoods, yes. where else can we do when we're not at home? whatever kind and preparation of food, still we pay for them, even at canteens.

violent=very high?! ok, no comment. well, questions were about violence on one's self. don't think i'm harmful, for godsake...

fraudulent? yes i'm a good liar. but i don't forge documents. i'm not into selling social security numbers we get from credit card applicants. well, just think how rich i can be if i'm one.

treacherous? well, i've already said. i'm a good liar.

and everything else-- i think i must agree. :)

PANAWAGAN

bagong libro ni eros atalia-- "PEKSMAN mamatay ka man, nagsisinungaling ako"

mga bagay-bagay na kapansin-pansin na hindi natin napapansin, o hindi lang talaga natin pinapansin.


before anything else, please give me back my Taguan Pung book...

the sons of war

children walking barefoot
soles feasting on shrapnels and fragments

city painted with blood

a dirty race, all heading to
boundaries separating silence from war

hands reach out for a beloved
not strong enough even for one's self

everybody is running
tired of killing each other
on a murderous trip to the summit

a thin thread of hope
no room for a single soul

dreams crashing to the ground
as each falls lifeless

way too far from salvation
too distant from God's embrace

on(e) (h)our faith

there was this exhibit in Thomas Aquinas Research Center (TARC) our professor in theology asked us to visit when we were in our second year. it was - if my memory serves me well - about Islamic soteriology and interreligious conferences, promoting unity among churches or religions.

i did not feel anything when i first set foot on the exhibit area, not until i saw pictures of children in different occasions professing faith. they stole my attention that i began studying their faces, expressions, poses, and details on how they appeared in the pictures. some were so attentive that one could really feel their devotion... and some were not. i started wondering if those little angels were completely aware of what they were doing or if they were just there for the sake of taking part in their rites.

religion is one issue i find complex and delicate when being discussed. much as it is perplexing, it is ultimately interesting and liberating at the same time.

but have we really asked ourselves if we fit right into that religion we belong to? in the first place, we did not choose it. rather, we wholeheartedly embraced what the grownups believed and followed what they did. they went to churches and we were with them, tugged tight, thinking we might get lost into what they introduced to us as our real home. they joined in prayer meetings and we were also there singing, waving our little hands in the air, clapping to death just like what everyone else did, regardless of whether or not we really knew what we were doing. we were taught how to pray and we took our daily dose of Biblical quotes and parables. we were dragged during sleepy saturday or sunday mornings or any day they deemed as worship day, then we slept and played inside the house of praise. punishments would follow right after we got back to our houses. those were the things we lived by; then we started calling ourselves religious.

but however we create the thought that religion is imposed, it is still dependent on one's orientation. freedom of religion was literally translated as that in which one has the right to practice one's religion within reasonable legal parameters. but if we look at it blunt and dry as a legal aspect, then we slowly move away from its sanctity. it is just as if we consider it as a plain constitutional right.

still, human knowledge knows no limit. the more we know, the more we ask, and the farther we get away from our faith. one word leads to another- off to a long and winding quest.

innocent as they were, those children in the pictures were a bold manifestation of authentic faith - that which did not ask but believed. there's no intention of saying that all we need to do is nod, accept and believe what we are being fed. i just had a different feeling when i saw those children whom i think had faith stronger than what we have, regardless of the what and the why... then i tried to remember if i did the same when i was a kid.

i also found it interesting when i saw a book about who Jesus and Mary were in the Koran, though i was not able to leaf through its pages. comments were suspended until i get the chance to read the book.

:::thanks to www.2muslims.com for the pic

el cielo

clouds are there to remind us that there are still things unreachable my human alone...

superstar

the last time i saw you shining
in the distance i know no more

your eyes, all the same
you still capture me with the slightest wink

that same smile you used to heed
stirs me up just like before... puzzled...

i admit nobody matches your shine
not even the moonlight is half as good...
you still have it with one glance,
and everything else shatters

just like the ocean as it tries to steal
the moon, a gap so impossible to bridge...
a silent prayer in the ear of a dying infant

you are an unreachable star
something not made for me... my limit... my own share of torment...

for months i tried to sing my last verses
tired. giving up. i almost lost my appetite for life

but time has brought me to my senses again
it mat be too late but i learned
nothing can be more impossible than make-believe

we all love music

poetry goes hand-in-hand with music. we don't just love music because of its sound, but of meaning, memories, life... how it knocks your soul, how it enters your body and soothes you... simply irresistable...

Moscas en la Casa Shakira mis dias sin ti son tan oscuros tan largos tan grises mis dias sin ti mis dias sin ti son tan absurdos tan agrios tan duros mis dias sin ti mis dias sin ti no tienen noches si alguna aparece es inutil dormir mis dias sin ti son un derroche las horas no tienen principio, ni fin Coro: tan faltos de aire tan llenos de nada chatarra inservible basura en el suelo moscas en la casa mis dias sin ti son como un cielo sin lunas plateadas ni rastros de sol mis dias sin ti son solo un eco que siempre repite la misma cancion Coro: tan faltos de aire tan llenos de nada chatarra inservible basura en el suelo moscas en la casa pateando las piedras aun sigo esperando que vuelvas conmigo aun sigo buscando en las caras de ancianos pedazos de niño cazando motivos que me hagan creer que aun me encuentro con vida mordiendo mis uñas ahogandome en llanto extrañandote tanto mis dias sin ti como duelen mis dias sin ti

Flies in the House my days without you are so dark, so long, so gray, my days without you my days without you are so absurd, so bitter, so tough, my days without you, my days without you don't have nights, if someone appears, it's useless to sleep, my days without you are an excess, the hours don't have a beginning, or end Chorus: so short of air, so filled with nothing, useless junk, trash on the floor, flies in the house my days without you are like a sky, without silvery moons, nor traces of the sun, my days without you are only an echo, that always repeats, the same song Chorus: so short of air, so filled with nothing, useless junk, trash on the floor, flies in the house stumble on the rocks, still i keep waiting that you'll return to me, still i keep looking in the faces of the old, bits of a child, hunting reasons that make me believe, that still i meet with life, biting my fingernails, drowing in my tears, missing you so much, my days without, oh how they hurt, my days without you

mock the stupid brit fan

"Chris Crocker PARODY.Look at Chris Crocker's LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE VIDEO first or THIS VIDEO wont make sense. LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!VIDEO

breathing, waiting, chasing: tabloidization of the classics

takte. tama nga naman... kahit cheesy ang Spanish class kanina, in fairness sa mga nagsimula ng kakesohan, trulily din naman kayo dun.

all we do is breathe, wait, and chase. everyday we wait. di ba nakakasawa na ring maghintay? all we do is plan for tomorrow; not sure kung si tomorrow naman ay maamo sa'tin o paghihintayin pa rin tayo nang walang kamatayan.

sabihin mo mang, "I'm complete even before you came. i'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself and self-destruction as well" (mga bagay na natutunan sa lit about existentialism), di mo pa rin masisiguro kung kailan ka aandaran ng pagiging emo/cheesy/tweetums/korni/paksyet - call it whatever you want basta nakakaupos pa rin yung feeling. ni wala kang magawa. isinasabay mo na lang sa hangin ang bulong mo sa mga bagay na hindi mo kilala pero hinihintay mo pa rin, hinahabol; seamless faces of those whom we are trying to grasp...

basta maiisip mo na lang, minsan malungkot rin pala kapag mag-isa...

buhay manunulat, manunulot - pagsasamantala sa mga salitang balbal

napakasarap nga namang magpakamatay gamit ang natatanging bagay na napakahalaga sa iyo. yung tipong dahan-dahang lumalagaslas sa katawan mo yung malakas na hataw ng nag-iisang bagay na pinaghihirapan mong maabot - dumudulas, nagpapakipot, sabay sasaksakin ka nang patalikod. hinele mo na nga buhat nang mahawakan mo nang pahapyaw, heto't kinakagat ka pa sa leeg na parang tiyanak.

sulat ka nang sulat; binubuntis mo ang sarili mo nang pilit; nanganganak ka nang nanganganak. buong katawan mo lupaypay. walang natira sa'yo kundi kaunting lakas para tumoma. inakma mo ang lahat ng pwersa para sa isang matinong obra, tapos hindi pa rin pala sapat; at dahil may ibang pumupuna ng mga gawa mo, wala ka nang ibang maibubulong sa sarili mo kundi, "ang pangit ng anak ko!"

minsan mo nang ipinaglaban sa lahat, ipinilit at hindi tinantanan... may lugar pa ba para sa pagsisisi?

kaya sa lahat ng mga nag-aakalang napakadaling maging manunulat at kailangan ay "street-smart" ka lang, well, subukan mong manganak sa pwet nang malaman mo kung gaano kahirap..

raino

habang pauwi... tulala... walang ibang tinatanggap ang isip kundi- wala. ulan na lang ang tumawag ng pansin...

midnight blues

no matter how you try to turn your back at the mellows,
lyrics will always find their way to penetrate you... deep...

Beyond the Margins of Press and Media

"If you want to touch the conscience of the nation, you must first have a conscience of your own."

This was the stand of Palagummi Sainath, a journalist from India, in the onset of the 2007 Ramon Magsaysay Awards Lecture Series on his theme "How Can Journalism Touch a Nation’s Conscience?"



Sainath, who won this year's category for "Journalism, Literature, and Creative Communication Arts" on Asia's equivalent of the Nobel Prize, was recognized for his passionate commitment as a journalist to restore the rural poor to India's national consciousness, moving the nation to action.

He cited famous writers who made conscientious journalism possible in times of war and quest for freedom. He said he was moved by words of American novelist and journalist Samuel Langhorne Clemens, otherwise known as Mark Twain when asked about giving Filipinos freedom: "Yes, it's a great idea to give the Filipinos freedom, but I think it's an even better idea to let them give it to themselves by themselves."

Twain, for Sainath, was a journalist who touched the conscience of countless of readers. He spoke of him as an interactive journalist—that who wrote about atrocities, women's rights and issues across the cultural divide.

Known for being a passionate and articulate speaker, Sainath took an opportunity to give a clear distinction between journalism and stenography. He said the latter was by far the largest stream of journalism but was exclusive only to the powerful.

"Corporate approach to journalism can reach millions of people but can never touch the conscience of nation." Sainath added that it was merely to attract new business, investment and professionals but does not promote rich spiritual landscape and an enviable quality of life.

His sincerity, honesty and dedication, and commitment to highlight the sufferings of the rural masses that are sadly left behind by India's "progress" made him one of the Asia's leading development journalists. Through his work on the livelihoods of India's rural poor, he has changed the nature of the development debate in his own country and across the world. He was aiming for holistic development and cultural enrichment.

Sainath, often referred to as a rebel with a cause, said it was very alarming to see newspapers today bearing more showbiz stories than the more important ones. However, he said there were factors that affect media’s priorities like editors and the philosophy of the medium. Assuming what the readers want merely implies that they were idiots, he said.

The period when the incident of farmer suicides in Indian urban cities was at its height was, for Sainath, a clear example of how media today sets priorities for profit and fame. While relatives of more than 100 farmers who have taken their lives in the drought-ridden southern Indian state of Andhra Pradesh were mourning, 512 accredited journalists were vying for prime spot in a fashion show and cameramen were fighting with their tripods over space.

He said it was apparently showing that news values were not weighed critically.

Citation for the award he has bagged said, "Sainath's authoritative reporting led Indian authorities to address certain discrete abuses and to enhance relief efforts." It added: "Sainath discovered that the acute misery of India's poorest districts was not caused by drought, as the government said. It was rooted in India’s enduring structural inequalities — in poverty, illiteracy, and caste discrimination — and exacerbated by recent economic reforms favoring foreign investment and privatization."

Sainath looked at journalism today as baked with crimes and showbiz, and was not really giving the public what they really want and need to know. With all the hard news and tragedies reported everyday, Sainath claimed it was the small people beyond that big circle that journalists had to talk about — what and how these events affect their lives.

While it is true that reporters should provide people with the freshest information from groundbreaking events, he said they should not neglect their responsibility for social communication — that which makes journalism larger than a business.

"Newspaper is a business. Channels may be a business. But newspaper is not all there is to journalism," Sainath voiced, "Journalism is more than a newspaper. It is a calling." He said journalists should act as bridges in creating social connection and communication.

According to him, only a few dared to report on things that cross the parameters of relating events per se — those that really matter to communities and affect lives. Press was born out of revolt and fight for liberty, but little is the number of those who carry on its nature.

Sainath left a thought for his fellow journalists to ponder as he recalled the story of Ancient Roman Emperor Nero's open air party for the "Who's Who of Rome." As dusk fell, lights were called for, and Nero's staff came up with a novel solution: the party was illuminated by prisoners and poor being burnt on stakes all around the arena.

"And who were Nero's guests? They were the finest minds in the Roman Empire, but no one uttered a word in protest." he said he had always wondered about their attitudes.

Sainath provided an insight into why things were the way they were, leaving the audience with inspiration for things to do. His facts spoke for themselves.

pantastik! beri strong!

Conratulations Mr. Nestor Cuartero for garnering the outstanding feature on DLSU-Manila award!

Entry: "A bridge for kids" which captured the theme "Get the Lead(ers') story
(It bested more than 300 entries.)

DLSU-Manila president, Armin Luistro, described the winning entries as "moving, inspiring and real."

This year's judges: National Artist for Literature Bienvenido Lumbera Jr., Campaigns and Grey chair Yoly Villanueva-Ong, University of the Philippines' journalism department chair Rachel Khan, Naga City Mayor Jesse Robredo and DLSU Manila marketing communication office executive director Ayi Magpayo.

paraiso

touched by this clip.
one should make a move. everyONE must...

composed by Ryan Cayabyab
performed by UST Singers

sino si PETA?

this morning was our third time to watch the Philipines' one of the most outstanding theatre guild, PETA, and it's a little bit funny how common people seem to not know it...

yes it was my third time, and still i wasn't familiar with the trip. although some areas were fresh on my memory sheet, they weren't enough, so i had to ask a coulple of people what roads will lead me to E.Rodriguez and trust my instincts as well. they would ask me where i was heading to, and i just found it surprising that whenever i say "PETA", faces crumpled and people gave me the same question back. even drivers, whom i relied my tour-guessing into, were not sure where the heck they should drop me off.

whatever happened to the Philippine culture and arts? has it become exclusive to the world of prestigious academe and the elites? take note, prestigious academe. think about that... well, i do not belong to that elite group although i'm into that academe thing. i have to pay high for good education and well-equipped system. (yes, there's a big disparity between paying high and not. believe me.)


"sino si PETA?"- much as how we ask "sino si Rizal?" nabaon na lang ang kanyang katanyagan sa loob ng malamig na bantayog, sa piso, sa posporo, at sa t-shirt na binebenta sa megamall, 2nd floor. kahit ang PETA, hindi na maabot ng tao. dahil ba mahal ang ticket? malayo? o tago ang lugar? o dahil mas gusto na lang panoorin ng tao si dolphy kasya sa dula? tama... mas sikat nga ang wowowee kaysa sa PETA.

tuesdays with morrie

i just finished reading the book. albom was such a lucky student - there was only one morrie this world has ever born...

Morrie's Aphorisms for Life

• Whenever a lessening of a physical power occurs, it will always feel too soon. Expect this reaction. Perhaps by preparing for it mentally, you can soften its impact.
  
• Accept yourself, your physical condition, and your fate as they are at the present moment.
  
• Expect that it's going to be harder and take longer to do things. Be prepared to do things in ways that are very different from the ways you did them before.
  
• Get as much help as you can when you need it.
  
• Don't stay preoccupied with your body or your illness. Recognize that your body is not your total self, only part of it.
  
• Expect things to be inaccessible, unattainable, unreachable. When they are, don't get too frustrated or angry. If you do, let it be short-lived.
  
• Expect stressful situations to occur as your illness progresses or acts up. Develop an approach to managing your emotions during these occurrences.
  
• Watch for emotional, spiritual, or behavioral regressions when you are most vulnerable. Try to avoid, minimize, or stop your regression.
  When you are utterly frustrated or angry, express these feelings. You don’t have to be nice all the time—just most of the time.
  
• Grieve and mourn for yourself, not once or twice, but again and again. Grieving is a great catharsis and comfort and a way of keeping yourself composed.
  
• Make an agreement with your family and friends to remind you when you’re depressed, anxious, despairing, or lacking in composure that you do not want to stay that way. Ask them for a compassionate nudge.
  
• After you have wept and grieved for you physical losses, cherish the functions and the life you have left.
  
• Try to develop an inner emotional or spiritual peace to balance the distresses of your body. You might begin by learning to accept "what is" for you at any particular time.
  
• Expect to feel like a dependent child and an independent adult at different times.
  
• At some point, be prepared to deal with profound contradictory feelings—for example, wanting to live and wanting to die, loving others and disliking them.
  
• If you find yourself fantasizing that you are no longer sick and have been restored to your previous level of functioning, stay with the fantasy as long as it gives you pleasure. But return to reality when the fantasy becomes painful or when it is otherwise necessary for you to do so.
  
• Come to terms with the fact that you will never again be fully physically comfortable. Enjoy the times you are comfortable enough.
  
• Accept the past as past, without denying it or discarding it. Reminisce about it, but don’t live in it. Learn from it, but don't punish yourself about it or continually regret it. Don’t get stuck in it.
  
• Learn to forgive yourself and to forgive others. Ask for forgiveness from others. Forgiveness can soften the heart, drain the bitterness, and dissolve your guilt
  
• All the work you have actively done on yourself—all the experiences you have had in your life—can be used to maintain your composure. You have these resources. Draw on them.
  
• Be occupied with or focused on things and issues that are of interest, importance, and concern to you. Remain passionately involved in them.
  
• Resist the temptation to think of yourself as useless. It will only lead to depression. Find your own ways of being and feeling useful.
  
• Don't assume that it’s too late to become involved or to redirect your interests.
  
• Take in a much joy as you can whenever and however you can. You may find it in unpredictable places and situations.
  
• Keep your heart open for as long as you can, as wide as you can, for others and especially for yourself. Be generous, decent, and welcoming.
  
• Recognize the difference between what you want and need. Your need to feel connected to other people is as vital to human survival as food, water, and shelter.
  
• Talk openly about your illness with those who'll listen. It will help them cope with their own vulnerabilities as well as your own.
  
• Maintain and continue a support system, individually and collectively, of people who care about you and vice versa. Do not make demands that others are not ready or willing to fulfill. You may drive them away. Accept their refusal graciously.
  
• Know that your friends and family may see you as less incapacitated than you are because they want you to be "better." They have this need because they care about you. Accept this, while trying to convey your current reality without imposing it on them
  
• Let others' affection, love, concern, interest, admiration, and respect be enough to keep you composed.
  
• Be loving, compassionate, and gentle toward yourself. Befriend yourself. Do not put yourself down or criticize yourself continuously.
  
• Find ways to maintain your inner privacy even when your privacy is being invaded by external necessities.
  
• If you are ill, you can experience more freedom to be who your really are and want to be because you now have nothing to lose.
  
• Try to compensate for the loss of control of parts of your body by increasing control over your mind and emotions.
  
• Be a witness to yourself. Act as an observer to your own physical, emotional, social, and spiritual states.
  
• Accept your doubts about your ability to achieve any change in your emotional state. But keep trying. You might be surprised.
  
• Be hopeful but not foolishly hopeful.
• If possible, find and develop a spiritual connection and practice that comforts you
• Find what is divine, holy, or sacred for you. Attend to it, worship it, in your own way.
• Seek answers to eternal and ultimate questions about life and death, but be prepared not to find them. Enjoy the search.
• Entertain the thought and feeling that the distance between life and death may not be as great as you think.
• Be grateful that you have been given the time to learn how to die.
• Include one or more friends in your spiritual search. You might find the path to spiritual connection less difficult.
• Learn how to live, and you'll know how to die; learn how to die, and you'll know how to live.

thanks to: http://www.cerritos.edu/fquaas/assignments/English52/MorrieEssay.htm

gender identity

Christina, you're 38% masculine

This is based on how you scored on a variety of traits that, founded on classic research and our own studies, are typically associated with men.

You're also 62% feminine, which is based on how you scored on traits that are typically associated with women. When we compare your results with other women it shows that you are somewhat more masculine than other women.

But what is gender identity exactly? A person's gender identity is defined by the extent to which they see themselves as masculine or feminine. Every person possesses both masculine and feminine qualities to some degree, however the extent to which each person has these qualities differs widely. While you were taking the test, we calculated your scores in 6 areas typically defined as masculine and 6 areas typically defined as feminine.

get yours at tickle!


thanks jaycee!!

if only these were being sold:

emotions, attention, soul, affection, love, SLEEP... i'll play a good deal...