tonight i die...

i think of the lonely hours
and breakdown on the cold nights
when thoughts of uncertainty
cross the borders of my humanity;
then let me steal the lines
"i think, therefore i exist"
because that may spell a clear distinction
between my existence and illusion
so what is it that makes up the person?
which comes first, the body or the soul?
i guess the more physical it gets,
the earlier its existence takes place.
therefore i may say that until now
inside this almost twice-a-decade temple
no soul inhabits the vessel

i may still be delusional, the fact
that i visually land here in the hot soils
of false sorcerers and black pearls
and linger onto the gods
of intellect and wealth.
tonight i am dead, and living is not a problem
because tomorrow forecasts a feeling of absurdity
which i do not want to wake my eyes into anymore...

the pains of reality struck me on my face
there's no one to grab my hands
as i gradually sink into the quicksand
of earth and the cruel world.
i call the earth as such
because there's no meaning attached to it
except for its being planet
and a house for some creations
it is a skeleton, an outline
of the sufferings one has to swallow
as we live along the slow-paced journey.
while the other planets orbit the sun
while the stars look down with pity
while the earth's satellite run for its part
in shading the former during its eclipse,
how do you define the world?

our existence would then defy
a thousand theoretical definitions
for a library of knowledge is never enough
to compete with our personal attachment to this home
where we complete our person
and accept the souls in our lowly bodies
in deep penetration and intimate union.
the world is our home, and life is cruel
that we often blame the former for the latter's evil

now let me say, my illusion and existence
already spell a clear distinction betwixt themselves
"i think i exist"
and the feeling can not be stolen
because along the bounds of my humanity
beyond the thoughts of uncertainty
and the breakdown of the painful nights
i defy the lonely hours...